Sono sempre un po' triste alla fine.
Saluto con amore il piccolo Gabriel, mio ispiratore di questa storia.
Buona lettura a tutti.
skurni mi ha fatto involontariamente notare una cosa. Al suo "la lettera non inizia con Dear Gabriel" ho storto il naso: io so che la lettera inizia così. Ho controllato e... LJ mi ha tagliato metà lettera (evidentemente non approva il mio finale)
Qui sotto, riposto tutta la lettera. Sapete già come va a finire, ma potete scoprire come inizia.
Scusate per il disguido.
skurni, grazie mille! Fortuna che sei tornata dalle vacanze...
You can’t imagine how happy I’m about your last news.
Now everything has a sense.
Now I can finally understand everything.
Now everything is perfect”
He thinks, alone. His last news. How many months ago? Seven, maybe... he can’t recall it well.
“I met Julia today. She looks good, beautiful, at ease. I’m glad. I can’t wait. She told me you’re treating her as if she was a crystal vase, thin and fragile. Don’t worry, she was laughing, not criticizing you. I was the same with your mom. I think they love it. But over all they deserve it, don’t you believe?”
He shifts again, a large knot in his stomach. How long has he been seated there? Quick glance at the watch. Almost two hours. His back hurts a little.
“Yesterday your mom told me she still loves me. I asked her if it was like the first day. She answered no, now it’s better. She added we, as a couple, are better now. I agree. We survived, seen? And we’re stronger with every passing day. I’m glad she still loves me, because I’m still in love with her. Ok, a little bit of your sentimental dad... too much to bear, maybe?”
He smiles, slightly, but he smiles. He shifts again. A paper falls. He bents and picks it up. He can’t lose it. He can’t lose any of it. He’d die. People pass fast past him, their shoes resounding on the floor. He doesn’t hear anything. He’s focused on the closed door and on his papers. A sigh, a deep sigh, is the only thing he can do at the moment. Time, immobile time.
“It won’t be easy, the wait, I mean. Time will stop. So fast to her, so slow to you. I hope you won’t complain. You won’t be the protagonist... and let me say something more: you won’t be the protagonist for a long time. But that’s not necessary a bad thing, you know?”
A long road, a long and somehow difficult road. But he’s happy, scared at the moment, but happy. The future. He wants to see it. How will it be? His mobile starts ringing. The familiar tune hits him. He smiles again. He doesn’t answer though. He only wants to listen to the music.
“I know, not a conventional lullaby. Not something like ‘sleep my baby, sleep tight’ or whatever. No, no, for you Should I stay or should I go. Strange story behind it. I used to sing it to your mom, when she was still pregnant. You know, undefined relationship and other things. She told me that song had the power to make you quiet. You always stopped kicking her bladder when I sang it. Maybe you just passed out, I’m such a terrible singer...”
Should I stay or Should I go? What a perfect question...
He breathes slowly. He thinks. There’s no escape now. He would disappoint him and her. And her, over all. She doesn’t deserve it.
He meets a pair of familiar eyes. He shivers. The moment of truth. She’s smiling at him. He feels warmer and whole. Fear seems disappeared. He smiles back.
“Hey...”, he’s staring at her, speechless. His words just failing him. Too much emotion. He breathes and finds the only word he can say, his first word, the word which can always calm him: “Mom...”
“Come with me”, her hand is in front of her, inviting. He grabs it and stands. He’s glad she’s there, ‘cause his feet don’t seem to work too well. He’s still trembling, she can feel it: “Don’t worry, baby. Everything went ok. Everything was perfect”
The door seems too far away from him. He walks stumbling, a little fast. He wants to enter, he needs to do it.
The room is luminous, sunny. A happy place. It’s strange considering such place happy, but it is.
A bed in the centre of the room. Blankets everywhere, pillows and clots. Inside the bed, two people. Julia’s smiling at him. She’s tired, he can say, but never been so beautiful.
“Congratulation, it’s a boy”
Gabriel Kovac closes his eyes. When he opens them again, he’s crying. A boy, he has a baby boy. He’s a father. He steps closer to the bed. His son is awake, his big blue eyes studying his surroundings. He’s nothing but beautiful. Gabriel looks at him in awe, he can’t believe such magnificent baby is his own son. My son. He feels closer to his own dad, he understands the passion he put into his letters. Those letters. They followed him during his life, his dad never ceased writing them. They’re there with him also in this happy change of his life. He brought them there, all of them, because his dad couldn’t be there.
Gabriel feels sad for a while: damn drunk driver. The most banal of car accidents. Head trauma, internal bleeding, no hope, doctors were honest, they were his dad’s friends. Four months since that bad day. His dad. He still misses him so much. He misses him, his letters, his irregular handwriting, his voice. He’d like him to be there, witnessing the born of his first child. His heart hurts when he realizes his dad will never hold his grandson. Tata, I’m missing you so much...
His child lets out a short wail and Gabriel bents down to look better at him. He has his dad’s eyes. He strokes his soft cheek. Hey, baby I’m you dad.
“Pardon?”, Julia’s voice.
“I’d like to call him Luka”, he’s looking alternately between his mom and his wife. They’re smiling softly at him. Abby has tears in her eyes. Gabriel knows she’s still missing him. He was her love life, her everything. I’m so sorry for you, mom. It hurts.
“Luka, like the most amazing man of the world. You’ll have to be proud having his name. It’s a great honor and I won’t let you abuse it. The greatest man, baby, the greatest. He was brave, determined, sweet, gentle and loving. He was everything... but over all, he was my Tata, your grandfather. My Tata...”
Little Luka is now staring at him, a glint of understanding in his eyes.
Gabriel smiles at him: smart boy, I’m sure we’ll have great time together.
The baby yawns. Julia does the same. Abby speaks: “I think we need to let them have their rest now”
Gabriel agrees with a nod, but first he bents down and nuzzles his son’s face: “One thing only... I love you, baby”
Little Luka squirms a little. Gabriel feels like he’s the luckiest man alive, probably I am, I’ve always been... thanks to you Tata. I love you, Tata... your son.
So che qualcuno mi sta odiando dal profondo... ma è la vita.